DO YOU HAVE A DRAMA HOOK?
The ironic and somewhat scary thing is, if we do have one, we’re probably totally oblivious as we’re way too busy getting caught up in the drama we’ve create around us to even realise its running us. How do I know this? Well years ago I definitely had one running me.
Human beings are complex characters. We’ll often create distractions/dramas to block out what we’re really feeling or don’t want to take a look at or deal with in our lives. In effect drama hooks are like a smoke screen preventing us from having to deal with whats really going on. Can you relate? Or can you think of a friend that always seems to be surrounded by “drama?”
Hence the name Drama Queen or King. You know you’re one if you:
~ Keep finding yourself in relationships that aren’t healthy i.e.: if you’re a women, being attracted to “bad boys.” Or the male equivalent, being attracted to manipulative and/or abusive women.
~ You can’t handle stressful situations without turning to excessive food, alcohol, drugs, nicotine etc… to mask the stress.
~ You find yourself constantly sharing your problems with people you don’t even know well.
~ You play the “competitive pain game” i.e. my pain is far worse than yours
~ You view your life as though you’re a victim of circumstances with no control over what happens to you.
~ You get caught up in other people’s dramas and enjoy rescuing them.
So why do we do this?
Well when we’re excited, elated, happy etc… our body naturally produces feel good endorphins. And lets face it, they feel great. We also experience those great feelings when we’ve accomplished something challenging or after we’ve done an awesome workout, had sex, played a sport, danced or done yoga or something similar.
So when things aren’t going so great in our lives, anxiety can become our drug. We want to feel those oh so yummy feelings again. Only trouble is we often look for the “quick fix” in all the wrong places.
We can also unconsciously create “drama hooks” when we have too much certainty in our lives. Tony Robbins created something he refers to as the Six Human Needs. Not the basic survival needs like oxygen, food water etc… He’s referring to our Six Emotional Needs. And the first two are certainty and uncertainty.
We all need CERTAINTY in our lives. However paradoxically we also need UNCERTAINTY. Often in long term relationships or even business partnerships both parties become so comfortable with each other and their lives become so predictable that one of them will go off and do something totally out of character to create some uncertainty/drama in their lives. Think of all the married couples you know that have split up because one of them went off and had an affair? When what they were really craving was that sense of excitement and spontanteity coursing through their veins.
How can we STOP being hooked into unnecessary drama in our lives? Well developing our awareness and noticing when we do it and why is a great start. While ever its an unconscious pattern, that pattern will keep running us.
So next time you feel yourself being pulled into someone else’s drama or creating one of your own, stop and take a few deep breaths and ask yourself; “Is this in my best interest to spend my time and energy doing this? If the answer is no, interrupt the unconscious pattern by doing the exact opposite.
For example: If you’re addicted to arguing with your child, your partner, your mother/father your boss let the other person know you’re happy to continue this conversation when both of you are in a calm relaxed state. If you turn to binge eating when your feeling anxious, instead have a large glass of water and take yourself for a brisk walk around the block. Then calmly ask yourself whats the most useful solution?
If you find yourself constantly reading gossip magazines about celebrities, or gossiping about other people, stop and ask yourself: “What could I be doing or reading instead that inspires me to be the best me that I can be.” Instead of living vicariously through other peoples dramas? And do that instead!
The key is to interrupt the pattern by replacing the behaviour with a more positive one.
And working on your self esteem and self worth is also an incredibly important ingredient. When we really like who we are, we’re far more likely to create harmonious empowering experiences because we believe we deserve good things to happen in our lives.
You’ll find lots of great tips on how to build your Self Esteem, Self Worth and Self Belief in my Best Selling Book “Become Your #1 Fan ~ How to Silence your Inner Critic and Live the Life of your Dreams.”
I’m also happy to answer any questions you have, so feel free to post your comments and questions below.
Yours in breaking free and creating harmony in your life,